4/3 – Monday
OK, it’s time for me to make a confession from the deepest, darkest, stinkiest depths of my soul: when I was a pre-teen back in the 80’s, I liked Taco. That’s right, I can now admit it openly… “Puttin’ on the Ritz” was my favorite song for a while! Don’t hate me. Anyway, the other day I got curious and did a search on the Web for him, and came up with the Taco Web: one single webpage dedicated to the artist formerly known as Taco! The page isn’t fancy, but it’s got a bio and a discography, and a few soundfiles. Go ahead, don’t feel ashamed…if you liked Taco way back when, visit the Taco Web and try to remember why!
Well now, isn’t this interesting? The government paid six national news magazines to print anti-drug articles. I say again: isn’t that interesting? It just drives home the point that we have a government that will do anything to shape the minds and opinions of the public. Can you say “propaganda”?
The American Academy of Pediatrics would like to ban all handguns. That’s right…they claim that too many of “our children” are killed by guns every year, blah-blah-blah. Same old stuff. What I want to know is: why aren’t they trying to ban water and automobiles too? Thousands of people (and not just kids) die in automobile accidents every year, and kids are especially prone to drowning in tubs and swimming pools. I say it’s time to BAN water…it’s a hazardous substance! And let’s get rid of the cars too…we obviously can’t trust our citizens to use them responsibly, even though they’re licenced and tagged. Let’s remove ALL risks so that our children can live in a peaceful, PERFECT world where NOTHING can possibly harm them. Sound good??
4/4 – Tuesday
My God, what a nerve-wracking day. I had four job offers come in today, and I spent a lot of time on the phone hashing out the details. One company said they wanted me to start tomorrow, without an interview…and no more than five minutes later, they said they’re only hiring one person instead of two, so they didn’t need me after all. (I really wanted that job, too!!) Two other companies were pressuring me to decide NOW if/when I want to interview with them, or if I wanted to wait on another pending offer. Geez. Apparently my resume was considered “hot shit” at this new agency and they had clients trying to get me all day. Yikes…I’ve never been in demand like that before! But I vaguely recall saying that I wanted to be wanted… 🙂
Can you believe this? More whining about flag-burning. It never ends… OK, one last time: the flag is a SYMBOL of freedom, it is NOT freedom itself. Therefore, burning the flag does NOT impair anyone’s freedom, but rather is an EXAMPLE of freedom in action. Our right to free speech includes, yes, the right to burn a flag, no matter how unpatriotic it might seem. Not many people do it these days, of course…when was the last time you saw somone torch an American flag? (News footage of people in Mexico doesn’t count.) It just isn’t a widespread problem, and from the polls I’ve seen, most Americans don’t give a shit if someone burns one or not, because it doesn’t affect their freedom in the least.
4/5 – Wednesday
If you’re a Monty Python fan and haven’t seen the wonderful Daily Llama site, you oughta be spanked with cooked spaghetti.
Artifacts found in some campfire remains have shed doubt on when the first people entered the North American continent. I LOVE this kind of stuff…things that bring home the point that we don’t really know everything about the past, and that those history books just might be wrong after all. Historians and archaeologists can be downright dogmatic about what happened in the past, and often refuse to accept alternative views…AS IF they know everything for sure. So when something like this comes along and forces the experts to say “Hmmmm, maybe we were wrong!”, I just smile. [On a side note, Author Graham Hancock knows alllll about the stubbornness of the “experts”. In his book Fingerprints of the Gods, he introduced radical new theories about the age and purpose of the Egyptian pyramids — and the Egyptian government actually told him that if he ever stepped into their country again, they’d chop off his head, throw his body into a pit, and defecate on it afterwards. Seriously! Think he stepped on a few toes there, perhaps a few toes in the tourism and antiquities departments?]
4/6 – Thursday
And the frivolous lawsuits continue… A woman is suing Nike for $10 million because of a freak accident involving her sneakers. Now, I think Nike is a typical greedy scumbag company with annoying marketing tactics, but in this case I think the customer is just brimming with shit. How can Nike possibly anticipate something like THIS when testing their shoes for safety? Nobody can plan for freak accidents. If you can put on the shoes and run them without sustaining any damage to your feet or legs, the shoes are fine. But how often does one of your shoelaces actually flop over and connect to the opposite shoe, especially while you’re running?? Doesn’t sound like a widespread problem to me…
An interesting article about Shrub’s awkward relationship with the Log Cabin Republicans. Personally, I don’t know why ANY gay person would want to identify with Republicans in any way. The Log Cabiners always wonder why they’re not taken seriously, but it’s simple…HOMOXESUALS AND REPUBLICANS DON’T MIX! It’s that simple. Theoretically it’s possible, but in the bigger picture, you’re better off leaning Libertarian instead, which is more sensible anyway.
4/11 – Tuesday
I went in for my “pee test” today… First I downed a couple of big glasses of water, knowing that I’ve never been able to urinate on demand without a little “help”. I had never been to this clinic before, of course, so I had to look it up on the map and figure out how to get there…then I set off to find the place. I found it with only a little bit of blind wandering off the freeway, and by the time I got to the receptionist’s desk I was more than ready to give that sample! And, of course, I had to wait for someone to come take me to the sample room. 10 minutes went by, and I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to water their plants a little…finally a lady came out and took me back to the sample room. Now I can relieve myself, I thought! But no…we had to fill out paperwork first. Geez, don’t these people realize that their clients are coming to them ready to GIVE? So I quickly signed whatever she gave me, and she sent me into the little bathroom with a couple of cups and said to go for it. I did…oh boy, did I ever!! I just wonder why I have to do this for an office job…it makes no sense. It’s not like I’m going to be operating powersaws or bulldozers, y’know? I guess they’re afraid I might smoke a bunch of crack one day and end up mouse-clicking myself to death at work or something.
Well, it’s about damn time that Tinky Winky made it back into the news again. Now he/she/it is accused of being one of those terrifying gun owners. Oh dear!! I wonder if these boneheads are actually paid to manufacture these silly crises. I agree that the Teletubbies are evil to a degree, but I SERIOUSLY doubt they’d make him say “I got a gun! I got a gun!”
4/17/00 – Monday
OK, OK… You’ve all seen the HampsterDance, right? Yeah, it’s funny for about a minute and a half, but like so many other mildly amusing websites, it spread like wildfire through e-mail and you couldn’t get away from it. It even inspired parody sites like JesusDance and NutSacDance. And, as expected, the person behind HampsterDance feels the need to milk the idea for every last drop and expand it into all sorts of silly areas: custom e-mail, greeting cards, more music, an official CD(!), and interactive hamsters. Why can’t a simple, amusing thing just stay that way? Why does it have to be bloated into a multimedia extravaganza?? Do we really NEED HampsterDance greeting cards? I mean, really!
Geez, talk about paranoid. Apparently the FBI wasted lots of time and money on deciphering the lyrics to “Louie Louie”… And I’ll bet they never quite figured it out. Your tax dollars at work, folks!
4/18 – Tuesday
I’m really getting fed up with people who just plain talk too much. I just spent 30 minutes on the bus listening to these two girls (probably in their late teens) LOUDLY yammering back and forth about everything from cute boys to the weird neighbor girl who spent the night and peed in someone’s bed. On and on and on and on and on, both of them just yik-yakking nonstop, usually at the same time over each other! Jeezus, girls, take a friggin’ breath once in a while, will ya? And to top things off, they got off at my stop and walked behind me all the way up the block to where my house is, and beyond. I slid in the door and slammed it shut to escape one more word from those two. I have come across many people like this in the past…they just gab and gab at the top of their lungs, and sometimes I wonder if they ever shut up once in a while and just THINK. Too much idle chatter tends to disengage the brain while your mouth takes over. But someone else said it best: “The person who talks too much is a shallow thinker and has very little magnetism. But when a silent man of wisdom talks, people listen.” — Paramahansa Yogananda
Finally, citizens in one small town are arming themselves with speed guns to kick some speeder ass. More towns should do this…even if their little notices don’t carry any legal weight, it still makes them paranoid. Good!
Let’s see, what’s the latest fashion trend among the Royal Family? Dead animals in the shape of a coat, as usual? Why, yes! But this year it’s different…they’re getting modern, they’re getting chic, they’re getting ridiculous. The latest fashion statement for Royalty is…hamster coats. That’s right, little Squeakers running around on his hamster wheel could be summoned at any time to report to the Queen for skinning and disposal. Mahvelous!
4/19 – Wednesday
Hey! Easter is just around the corner, folks…and what would Easter be without homemade cookies? Well, ol’ Dave at goingtohell.com has cooked up something he calls The Brutal Death of Our Savior yummy Easter cookie recipe. Guaranteed to titillate your tastebuds and hose down your soul with the sugary goodness of God.
More restaurants in the San Francisco area are banning cell phones. Wooooo-hoooo! I won’t say any more on the subject (for today, anyway), so instead let me point you to another great article about the growing resistance against the electronic leash.
Here’s a horrifying thought: Elian Gonzalez: the movie. Frankly I don’t think I need to say any more on THAT subject either, lest I end up yakking all over my keyboard.
Too busy for God? Not enough time in the day to thank the Divine for all the good things in your life? Then why not pay someone to do your praying for you? That’s right, this company is actually taking money and praying so that their customers don’t have to. Somehow I’m not surprised that this business is becoming successful. These days people are so consumed with themselves and trying to acquire more and more material things that they don’t feel the need for anything deeper… But even so, who is too busy to even pray? I mean, how hard is it to just take a few moments out of your day and pray to the deity in charge of your religion? Give me a break. This is pure laziness, simple as that. If you don’t have time to pray to your God, then why even believe in God in the first place??
4/20 – Thursday
So the so-called “Mafiaboy” hacker is a 15-year-old punk, eh? It figures. What cracks me up about all these news stories about him is the way the law enforcement and the network experts keep saying (over and over and over) that this kid isn’t a “genius”…they keep reminding us that he’s just a dumb kid who got lucky, he’s nothing special. Well, I think these guys are feeling STUPID for not being able to prevent this kid from making all those website attacks a few months ago! So he may not be a genius, but he managed to cost several companies millions of dollars and make the “security experts” look like they were sleeping on the job. Pretty good for a “stupid kid”.
4/21 – Friday
So they finally decided to fire an officer for being an asshole during the WTO protests. Apparently he leaned into a woman’s car window and sprayed her point blank in the face with pepper spray. Yeah, I’m sure THAT was totally justified, mmm-hmmmm. What this article fails to mention is that when he did this, he shouted something like “Take this, bitch!” I heard her say this on the radio news yesterday. Hmmm, I wonder why that didn’t make it into Yahoo’s news?
Easter has come early to 11 people in the Philippines, who were voluntarily nailed to crosses. (At least, I hope it was voluntary.) Well, ya gotta admire that kind of religious dedication, I suppose. I wonder if they’ll be following it up with a few days in a tomb? You know, just to complete the ritual.
4/24 – Monday
An Easter play turned deadly when Judas hanged himself. No, really…the guy playing Judas actually died while hanging himself. Whoops! A most delicious nugget of post-Easter irony. Join the fun!
4/26 – Wednesday
Now, this is something interesting! Imagine a couple of Australian chess players duking it out during a match. Would that be a totally surreal scene or what? Fun shit! These people are known for their mental prowess, but maybe deep down they’re just reactionary animals like the rest of us.
4/27 – Thursday
Today out of curiosity I was looking at the emergency response procedures for my work building. Some of the emergencies listed were completely foreign to this native Arizonan. Volcanic ash? Earthquakes?? Under the Earthquakes category, I noticed something kind of funny…under the heading of Earthquake Dangers, they list: panic, falling objects, broken windows & glass, fires, and serious business interruption! That’s funny…business interruption is listed along with falling objects and flying glass. Compared to those other things, business interruption is LOW on my list of priorities during an earthquake!
Some nitwit is letting parents wager on what their kids will grow up to be and do. He’ll give them $1 million (or some huge figure) if they accurately predict what their kid will turn out to be. It’s bad enough that parents try to mold their kids to be something they might not want to be, as in “You’re gonna be a doctor like your father!” or “You’re gonna be a professional escort like your mother!” The pressure is already on the kids to perform. Now there’s money involved, and it’ll only get worse. Just let kids be what they want, will ya?? Not every child is going to turn out the way you want…
4/28 – Friday
A high school gay-oriented club in Utah is going to be allowed to meet while the case against it is being examined…the school says it’s “not school related”. Sure, technically it’s not “school related”, but what about all those sports programs? High schools are practically built around sports, and yet that’s not really “school related”, is it? No, it’s just sports…but it’s important to many students, so it’s embraced. So if a bunch of students want to gather and discuss issues that are important to THEM, why not let them?? However, the stated purpose behind the club (mentioned in this story) is a little far-reaching…it doesn’t need to be that complex. Basically, it’s be a place where students can meet and talk without fear being called names and kicked down the stairs. Who knows, it just might prevent a suicide or two. (Especially in Utah…)