Better watch out the next time you decide to eat a candy bar, ’cause you just might get thrown in jail for it. We as vigilant Americans will NOT tolerate terrorist candy bar eaters.
OK, now this is downright terrifying: gargantuan fat chicks stampeding into shops and intimidating the poor staff with their sheer girth while their cohorts shoplift. Unbelievable. I guess it’s time to start keeping a cattle prod behind the counter along with the pistol.
People still slam the French for whatever reason, but any country that decides to start clearing some of the crapfood out of its schools with broad strokes is all right with me.
OK, I know I keep saying that this or that is the stupidest use of technology I’ve ever seen, but I think this really is the stupidest (for now). Toyota is rumored to be working on a car that can express emotions. That’s right…so when someone cuts you off, you can “frown” at them with your car. The very idea of such a mindless gimmick makes me frown…
This was on Drudge Report for only a couple of hours before it was yanked, and now I can’t find it on his website anywhere, even in the archives. I’m glad I saved a copy so I could track down the original URL on the White House website again. Anyway, this memo from Prez. Bush authorizes the sale of weapons to Iraq. That’s right…we blew the living shit out of their country, installed a puppet government, and now we’re going to arm them. Didn’t we sell arms to Saddam Hussein years ago before blowing the shit out of Iraq the first time? Why, I think we did. Even if we didn’t, why is it our job to do this sort of thing in the first place? We shouldn’t be giving weapons to anyone, period (especially in the Middle East, considering all the militant groups which would love to get their hands on them).
What? Our government is getting in the way of marijuana research? You don’t say! Yes, it’s been a long-standing policy of our government (no matter who is President) to ignore the suffering of millions of people and put up roadblocks in front of anything that might help them if it involves this little herb. People still have this ignorant impression of marijuana as an evil plant from hell which will take over the world if it ever gets loose…oddly enough, I know lots of people who use it recreationally all the time and it doesn’t affect them in any adverse ways. Funny how that works, isn’t it? And while the government does grow a little bit for research purposes, it’s hopefully weak…that way they can say “See? It has no medicinal value whatsoever!” Well, no shit! That’s like diluting a dose of cough syrup with a gallon of water hoping for some marvelous effect. It ain’t gonna happen.
On another pot-smoking note, notice the hysterical alarm with which the national Drug Czar refers to our local “explosion” of potent marijuana (“BC bud”). He makes it sound like people are rolling joints of crack cocaine up here. But that’s his job: fear and control. Amusingly, the folks at Harborview Hospital (with whom he was visiting recently) contradict him by saying they’re more worried about abuse of alcohol and “all drugs” instead of focusing just on this herb. Yes, alcohol…it’s a DRUG, Mr. Drug Czar. It’s a commercially-available addiction which destroys far more people in this country than pot. And it makes a lot of money, which is why it’s legal. If you’re going to allow the sale of alcohol, which makes people violent and depressed (unlike pot, which just makes them relaxed and hungry), then something’s amiss.
Here’s a case of Republicans and Democrats being twits together in harmony. When Gov. Ah-nuld called the Dems “girlie men“, the Dems completely overreacted and accused him of being homophobic and sexist. Huh? Arnold didn’t say the Dems were flaming, nelly, queeny, limp-wristed sissy faggots. He essentially tried to call them wimps by using and old SNL joke which was based on a caricature of him. Didn’t these knee-jerk Dems ever watch SNL in the 80’s? Of course they did, and they got the joke, but they wanted to attack him back in a nastier way. I’m not defending Arnold, but I think the Dems could have just accused him of using immature playground talk or something, not “sexist homophobia.”
Freedom of speech? Yeah, we’ve got that. Just don’t try to practice it anywhere near a pro-Bush rally, ’cause you might find yourself cuffed and harassed by police, like this couple did. All they did was wear anti-Bush shirts (though I must admit their shirts’ slogan seems intended only to provoke). Sure, they’re free now, and the charges have been dropped. But the fact that they were harassed to begin with is outrageous.
So! The Senate came to its senses and refused to amend the Constitution to discriminate against homosexuals who want to marry. As expected, pro-discrimination Republicans are freaking out and vowing to bring it back to the table in the future in a sneakier way. The very fact that über-conservative Rush Limbaugh is getting a divorce should convince these people that marriage isn’t the institution it used to be…but there is a group of people out there (homos like me) who have been denied the chance to marry their loved ones, and they take the right to marry very seriously.
This so-called artist named Jadakiss has a hit album right now, and the only reason he’s getting any attention appears to be that one of the songs blames Bush for the bombing of the WTC towers. When asked to explain his position, he now says “it’s a metaphor” and he doesn’t really believe Bush is responsible. A METAPHOR?? For what? Does this twit even know what a metaphor is? I don’t think so, according his comments: “Bush should take the blame for the terrorist attack because his administration didn’t do enough to stop it.” So…where does the metaphor part come in? What does this or that represent? Come on, Mr. Sudden Literary Device. Let’s hear you rap an explanation to defend your obvious cheap publicity stunt.
Just when we think we’ve seen the stupidest that the right wing has to offer, from the childish Freedom Fries to the staggeringly simple-minded patriotic ice cream, they somehow manage to pull something completely new and insulting out of their ass in the name of freedom and patriotism (oh yeah, and profit). Now we’re faced with patriotic ketchup. That’s right…ketchup. All-American ketchup. Made in the U.S.A. Hooray…finally we have an alternative to the tyrannical Heinz brand. It’s called “W Ketchup” of all things. The company swears that the “W” stands for “Washington.” Yeah, sure it does, whatever you say. Are you people finished making fools of yourselves yet?
Oh, no! Homeland Security guru Tom Ridge just gave us another warning about some sort of terror! It’s going to happen somewhere in America at an unspecified date and time. Probably. He don’t know what it is, but it’s going to happen one way or another. Most likely. So stay afraid, America! Never relax! Never feel safe again, because Tom and the Ministry of Fear want you on edge at all hours of the day…you know, just in case.