SUVs and their self-righteous owners really bring out my inner bitch, so this headline totally made my day: Frustrated Massachusetts drivers try to sell their gas-guzzlers. Yes! Every time I see some douchebag speeding down the road in an absurdly humongous SUV or other monstrosity, I’m irritated. Every time I see one of them parked in a Compact parking spot, or (more often) taking up more than one space, I’m peeved. But then I smile to myself, because I know that that the combination of low mileage and high gas prices leaves these SUV owners bleeding from the asshole after every visit to a gas station.
And you just know they’re all bitching about how expensive gas is nowadays. I sort of imagine them having this exaggerated dumbass SUV-driver voice: “Ah’m an Amurican ‘n’ ah have the raht ta drahve whutevah ah wahnt, goddammit! Dontchoo tell ME ta save mah moneh, ya freedom-hatin faggit! We gotta bomb dem Arabs agin ta get dem prahces down!” And so he drives off, his bumper plastered with pro-war stickers and Support Our Troops magnets, another pair of pants stained. This guy practically needs a transfusion after the bleeding he’s been doing:
After paying $75 to fill his black Dodge Ram pickup truck for the third time in a week, Douglas Chrystall couldn’t take it anymore.
Holy fuckin’ shitballs! $75 at the pump, three times a week? Good! I love it. This is what such arrogance and pointless excess buys you, folks. I’ve been waiting for the SUV bubble to burst for the past couple of years, and if this story reflects a larger trend around the rest of the country, things are only going to get more interesting. Imagine: people are trying to sell their monstrosities but are having trouble getting rid of them, SUV dealers are seeing a sharp drop in sales, and people are getting sick of paying such a high price for a status symbol. Yessir, things are definitely lookin’ up!