For some reason I watched the “Poltergeist” remake last night. I’ve been putting it off, because the original is one of my most beloved favorites and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to soil it with a shitty “reimagining”. So wasn’t expecting much to begin with, and I got even less than that! So many clumsy “scares”, cardboard characters, and wasted opportunities. Sam Rockwell deserves better.
One thing I noticed is that the filmmakers tried desperately to make the movie as modern as possible by putting phones and tablets everywhere, but when those screens start doing that flashy-wobbly thing indicating something evil is near, it’s just not scary anymore…because they’ve been doing that in EVERY HORROR MOVIE for the past 10 years. Yawn.
A few things were genuinely creepy, like the way they handled the tree and some of the clown stuff. But it’s a sign of the times when the movie has to show and explain everything to you. What do the spirits look like? What happens when you cross to the spirit realm? We’ll show you all that and more…with a drone. I shit you not. One of the great things about the original is that it left a lot of that to your imagination, and with the excellent music and sound effects, it was far scarier.
Oh yeah, they also decided to spill that major detail about the cemetery right in the middle of the movie, instead of waiting until the end. This is kind of a big deal, because the cemetery thing is the great “Why??” of the movie. But no, they had to explain it all right away so they could get to all that hot drone action in the netherworld. Such a disappointment, especially for a film by Sam Raimi’s company. Blah. I give it one and a half turds…er, stars.