News from the American Hellscape: Chick-fuk-U

Oh, really?  Chick-fil-A actually has a “vice president of corporate social responsibility”?  Wow, they’re so benevolent and caring!  And so typical:  he spews fluffy religious statements about helping the children, following a higher calling, etc. but he’s anti-gay and anti-choice.  Well, who has fewer abortions than gay people??  Another so-called Christian funding oppressive, hateful legislation against people his holy book says aren’t worthy.  Way to think for yourself, dude.

Chick-fil-A Executive Calls Supporting Anti-LGBTQ Organizations A ‘Higher Calling’

“The calling for us is to ensure that we are relevant and impactful in the community, and that we’re helping children and that we’re helping them to be everything that they can be,” said Bullard, the company’s vice president of corporate social responsibility and the executive director of the company’s charitable foundation. “For us, that’s a much higher calling than any political or cultural war that’s being waged. This is really about an authentic problem that is on the ground, that is present and ever present in the lives of many children who can’t help themselves.”

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If only the rains had swept this monstrosity out to sea, with Ken Ham at the helm.  They could have taken two of each right-wing species with them:  two racists, two homophobes, two religious zealots, two anti-vaxxers, two conspiracy nutjobs, two corrupt bank executives, two anti-choice activists…  They could populate an island of their very own and call it Conservatopia.

Ark Encounter lawsuit: replica Noah’s ark park sues insurance companies

Genesis, this is not. This is the fate of the multimillion-dollar Noah’s Ark replica and theme park in Northern Kentucky, Ark Encounter, which is suing insurance carriers over coverage for rain-related damages to the property.

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Fucking hell.  Will these gun fetishists stop at nothing?  They think they’re doing some sort of noble work, fighting “the man” and promoting the Second Amendment and blah blah blah.  But I just look at it as 3D-printing new dicks.  These guys (and they’re 99.9% guys) obviously suffer from some sort of inferior manhood complex, because they’re constantly looking for more ways to create/buy/own more and larger metal dicks that have no purpose other than killing people.  Such a noble pursuit!

3D-Printed Guns Are Back, and This Time They Are Unstoppable

A new network of 3D-printed gun advocates is growing in America — and this time things are different. Unlike previous attempts to popularize 3D-printed guns, this operation is entirely decentralized. There’s no headquarters, no trademarks, and no real leader. The people behind it reckon that this means they can’t be stopped by governments. Known only by his online moniker, Ivan the Troll is the de facto spokesman of an underground wave of 3D-printing gunsmiths. Ivan says he knows of at least 100 people who are actively developing 3D-printed gun technology, and he claims there are thousands taking part in the network. This loose-knit community spans across the whole world.

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Our so-called President is a goddamn toddler trapped in the body of a dementia-addled baboon with stupid hair.  It doesn’t surprise me in the least that he can’t read or write simple words.  The man has the intellect of a doorknob, as his words and actions prove again and again.  Dumber than a box of hair.  You get the idea.

Photographer captures images of Trump’s handwritten notes, shows he cannot spell basic words

A selection of photos captured by press photographers showed a couple of folded pages in Trump’s hand—a single page of typed speech, with Trump’s ALL_CAPS handwritten notes marked underneath. Trump wrote:

Nancy Pelosi just stated “We believe that the president of the U.S. is engaged in a coverup.”

MOST TRANSPARENT.

They want to impeach over acts that they did.

Dems have no achomlishments.I’m going to keep working for the American people.

Intentially had a meeting before

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This comic sounds intriguing.  Naturally they were attacked from the outset and had to shop it around, because publishers are terrified of Christian snowflakes with persecution complexes.  “This comic threatens to bring the entire Christian world to its very knees!”  Don’t they say that about everything controversial, though?  Movies, books, music — if they don’t like it, it’s a mortal threat to their very existence.  Is their faith that weak?  Like I said:  snowflakes.

How a cancelled comic about Jesus and superheroes found its resurrection

The God of “Second Coming” is an irascible sort, frustrated with and unsympathetic to humanity, while its Christ thinks he can do better with a little kindness and some persuasive ideas. But around 2000 years after his “disastrous” crucifixion, Jesus finally gets permission to visit Earth again, and learn a few tips about saving humanity from his dad’s newest favorite son: A superhero called Sun-Man. Once there, he discovers just how far even those who follow his teachings have strayed from his message.

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You just know that Trump would execute anyone who crosses him if he could get away with it.  He would absolutely do it.  He’d make it a T.V. spectacle, and Fox News would host it with ads from the NRA and Focus On The Family.  That’s the kind of world we live in, now.

North Korea Reportedly Executes Officials For Failed Trump-Kim Summit

Kim Hyok Chol, the chief negotiator who led the working-level negotiations with the U.S., was executed in March alongside several other officials in punishment for the outcome of the event, the newspaper reported. Trump and Kim met in Hanoi, Vietnam, for their second official summit to discuss Pyongyang’s nuclear program, but the talks abruptly collapsed after the pair failed to come to a deal.

News from the American Hellscape: The Whining Wall

Time for another round.

This, folks, is a thing of beauty. Even today, after Trump’s many broken promises, there are gullible nitwits out there who still think someone’s going to build a wall to keep those dirty, violent brown people out, and they’re willing to donate millions to make it happen (even though Trump personally guaranteed them that the dirty, violent brown people were going to pay for it). So they donated to a crowdfunding campaign to build a wall on their own, and…nothing’s happening. $20 million just went *poof*. It’s hilarious! I hope this happens again and again and again, because they truly do not learn.

UPDATE 5/28/19: Well, what do you know? Today there’s news that they finally built a little bit of wall with this money over the weekend. Not Mexico’s money, but American money. Almost one mile was done, with only 1200+ miles to go, so pony up, MAGAts!

Trump supporters astonished to learn that the man they gave $20m to “build the wall” has nothing to show for it

In response, a fellow promised that he would raise the money for the wall through a crowdfunding campaign that the credulous dunces could send money to. He estimated that he could build it on private land for a mere $1b, because why not. They raised more than $20m, less than one thousandth of the DHS estimate of the cost of doing so, and, with less than 1% of the total cost in hand, the crowdfunder was shut down.

Now, the credulous dunces would like to know the what Brian Kolfage, the fellow who started the campaign, is doing with their millions. Mr Kolfage created a nonprofit to receive the money, but its records are sparse and mysterious. Mr Kolfage became very upset when the Daily Beast’s Will Sommer published an article pointing out that no evidence of progress has been made available, and Mr Sommer countered that he had repeatedly asked Mr Kolfage for a status update, to no avail.

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This should send shivers down the spine of everyone, even these Christians who think they’re doing their god’s work. If they’re going to teach “Bible Literacy”, we need to throw in a class on Buddhism Literacy to balance it out. And Islam Literacy. And Hinduism Literacy. And Pagan Literacy. And whatever else we can come up with. Hey, why not Satanism Literacy? It’s related to Christianity, after all, so why not be thorough? This business of sneaking religion into public schools has backfired before — remember when the Satanic Church began distributing pamphlets in schools which were handing out pamphlets about Jesus? Yeah, they didn’t like that at all. But if you really believe the Constitution is a sacred document, you must consider all of it. You can’t just pick and choose what to accept, like you do with that Bible of yours.

Bible classes in public schools are getting a big push from Christian conservatives — and it’s working

Scenes of Bible classes in public school could become increasingly common across the United States if other states follow Kentucky’s lead in passing legislation that encourages high schools to teach the Bible. Activists on the religious right, through their legislative effort Project Blitz, drafted a law that encourages Bible classes in public schools and persuaded at least 10 state legislatures to introduce versions of it this year. Georgia and Arkansas recently passed bills that are awaiting their governors’ signatures.

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It basically comes down to this: Trump has made it OK to ignore laws. It’s that simple. Church and state? Who cares! Conflicts of interest? Whatever, not me! The actual law says the IRS must provide tax returns? Nope, we refuse! These people are pissing all over the American rule of law, and so far nothing is stopping them because Trump has strategically installed corrupt garbage-people in positions where they can obstruct any attempt to hold him accountable. (Oh yeah, let’s not forget the House & Senate Republicans who will jump up and lick his arse at every opportunity.) Just imagine if Obama had tried even a tiny fraction of what the Orange Tumor has. Republicans would have burned him alive, and I mean that quite literally.

Well, well, well. I guess he’s just following in the scammy footsteps of his hero Papa Trump. Should we expect differently? When you worship a conman shitbag, you’ll likely become one. No mystery there.

He Founded ‘Students for Trump.’ Now He Could Face Jail Time for Impersonating a Lawyer.

“I see Donald Trump as reviving the Republican Party,” one of them, John Lambert, declared confidently. Last month, Lambert, now 23, showed up in the news again. This time, he had been arrested in Tennessee on charges of wire fraud. According to the federal government, at the same time he was building a nationwide political network and serving as one of the most visible young faces of Trump’s populist movement, Lambert was also posing online as a high-powered New York lawyer, eventually making off with tens of thousands of dollars in fees he stole from unwitting clients seeking legal services.

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Oh pleasepleaseplease let this be true. I want to see the NRA collapse under the weight of its own gun-humping hubris. It looks like even all those millions of dollars funneled into the NRA by Russian operatives aren’t going to keep them afloat, which really says something about the level of corruption we’re talking about here. Finally we have a bit of good news after two years of suffering under the most corrupt administration in history. I’m still rooting for this administration to collapse in the same way, but it’s sure taking its sweet time…

Leaked NRA Documents Reveal Gun Group Drowning In Legal Fees
A week before former National Rifle Association President Oliver North said he would not seek reelection after a failed attempt to oust CEO Wayne LaPierre, he warned the group that extraordinary legal fees threaten the future of the NRA.
A series of documents posted anonymously online and verified by both The Daily Beast and The Wall Street Journal show the inner machinations of a group plagued by deep financial troubles to the tune of $24 million.

Religious conservative “morals” are anything but

Here we have two stories that perfectly sum up the fucked-up values of America’s religious conservatives.  Let’s start with this:

Republicans Are Pissed About Crackdowns on Vaccine Exemptions

The fight against measles in a handful of states is facing staunch opposition from Republicans and anti-vaxx parents as lawmakers crack down on exemptions that let kids skip vaccinations.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that through Friday there have been 839 individual cases of measles throughout 23 states. That’s the most cases since 1994, making this the worst measles outbreak in decades. In response, a number of states where it’s spread have been trying to limit exemptions, with efforts mostly led by Democrats.

Washington State got rid of personal/philosophical exemptions.  California is making it harder to claim false exemptions.  Oregon got rid of the “moral” exemption.  Connecticut is looking at removing religious exemptions.  Maine has tossed philosophical exemptions.  Slowly but surely, reason and common sense are making headway against tidal waves of anti-vaxxer bullshit, and naturally Republicans are howling like the infantile little assholes we all know they are.  Oh, you don’t want the government dictating your health choices in the face of a nationwide epidemic?  Let’s come back to that when you stop taking womens’ uteruses  hostage because you think a blob is a person.  And speaking of which…

Alabama Governor Signs Abortion Ban Into Law

Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey signed a controversial bill that bans nearly all abortions into law Wednesday evening.  It’s considered the most restrictive abortion law in the United States. The law makes it a crime for doctors to perform abortions at any stage of a pregnancy, unless a woman’s life is threatened or there is a lethal fetal anomaly.

This is the “pro-life” world we now live in, folks:  religious conservatives (overwhelmingly men, naturally) forcing women to give birth to unwanted children, while at the same time fighting legislation that prevents those same children from getting sick…and possibly dying.  They’d also like to let anyone of any mental state purchase automatic weapons, because without all those dead schoolkids they wouldn’t be able to look and feel compassionate by publicly spouting their Thoughts And Prayers™ on Twitter.  And let’s not forget that they overwhelmingly support the death penalty.  Yep, sounds “pro-life” to me all right.

But wait, we shouldn’t stop there.  We can take this so much further.  First we need steep fines on non-procreative ejaculations.  Outlaw jerking off — it’s causing trillions of innocent pre-babies to die in a holocaust of towels and tissues!  Next we need to outlaw the burning of coal and oil, because carbon is one of the building blocks of life (if you believe in that science stuff, anyway).  And what about those poor fetuses and blobs which have now been granted full personhood?  First we need to give them voting rights.  They’ll also have property rights with the ability to rent out space in the womb.  Make them attend church, because Jesus died for our blobs’ sins.  And let them be the second passenger in the carpool lane, fer chrissakes!  That blob is a person, you monster!

But enough of that.  To paraphrase Saint Carlin, these people don’t give a shit about you once you’re born.  Once you’re out of the womb, you’re on your own.  They’ll use their power to bring you into the world, but they don’t want a single government dollar going to help feed and care for you if your mother can’t do it all on her own.  They just want you born, and then you’re not their problem.  This is how they keep women in their place, as the Bible clearly dictates.  Praise be!

This all leads me to believe that the mind of an American religious conservative can be a dark and twisted maze of contradictions and misguided piety.  Selfish, irrational, willfully ignorant and dismissive of established knowledge, compromised by their belief of a guaranteed spot in Heaven, wielding religion as a weapon against those they don’t like, driven to control the behavior of others under the guise of “moral concern” — it’s a scary place, and minds like this have been very busy chipping away at whatever legal protections we still have against their influence.  Now that Trump is in power and appointing hundreds of right-wing judges into lifetime positions, I’m starting think these motherfuckers just might get their wish of a real-world “Handmaid’s Tale.”

I’m fully aware that conservatives automatically call this attitude intolerant.  “Typical intolerant libtard! Can’t stand different opinions.  Fuckin snowflake.”  But you know what?  Nobody should tolerate the kinds of immoral and inhumane things these people are getting away with.  So if I’m an intolerant asshole to them (and I’ve been told as much by a few), I’m fine with that.

Under His Eye…

News nuggets from the American hellscape

It’s been a few years since I’ve done this kind of post, so maybe it’s time to give it another go. Some of these stories are a little outdated by now, but I’ve been saving them for a rainy day… 😀

 

Oh, this fetid hunk of wormy shit again?  I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise since the most toxic turds tend to resurface after flushing, as if to say “Hi, remember me?  I’m a huge honkin’ hunk o’ human garbage!  I’ll never go away.  MAGA!”

YouTube bans secondary Alex Jones channel hosting NZ conspiracy videos
YouTube has terminated a channel Alex Jones was reportedly using to skirt his ban from the platform. On a video posted on Resistance News, which was a secondary Infowars channel according to Media Matters, Jones described last week’s New Zealand mosque shootings as a “false flag” operation and attacked Muslims.

But wait, there’s more.  They’ll resurface elsewhere, but eventually their fans will get tired of having to hunt down which service is temporarily allowing them to spew their psychotic twaddle.

Facebook Bans Alex Jones, Louis Farrakhan And Other ‘Dangerous’ Individuals
Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones and Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan are running out of places to espouse their views online.  Facebook banned these high-profile personalities and several others from its social media platforms Thursday, becoming the latest tech company to officially declare them persona non grata. Many of them have already been banned from Twitter, YouTube and Apple’s Podcasts app.

 

Possibly inspired by Alex Jones…?

The worst toy: Flushin’ Frenzy
Flushin’ Frenzy [Amazon] is a toy wherein you push a plunger until a poop pops up. All the fun of clearing out a blocked toilet! The game’s tagline is “Poop there it is!”

 

Well, well, well. I guess this guy is just following in the scammy footsteps of his hero Papa Trump.  Should we expect anything different?  Because he’s a little criminal conservative twat, I’m sure he’ll soon be at the top of Trump’s list for some position he has absolutely no experience with (because having zero experience is the only qualification Trump looks for…other than being a criminal conservative twat).

He Founded ‘Students for Trump.’ Now He Could Face Jail Time for Impersonating a Lawyer.
According to the federal government, at the same time he was building a nationwide political network and serving as one of the most visible young faces of Trump’s populist movement, Lambert was also posing online as a high-powered New York lawyer, eventually making off with tens of thousands of dollars in fees he stole from unwitting clients seeking legal services.

 

This is fabulous. Anytime a swarm of YouTube robots experience some sort of disaster because their “influencers” told them to do something, a kitten gets its wings. Or something like that.

Giant Brawl Ensues After Dueling YouTubers Tell Their Fans To Meet Up
Agence France-Presse reports that 100 officers arrived at the scene to break up the fight. The police reportedly used tear gas on the crowd and arrested nine people. Two officers were reportedly injured in the large altercation.

 

These anti-science Christians and their persecution complex are literally becoming a health hazard.  Yes, it may be your precious “religious belief” to decline vaccinations (as directed in the Bible, surely), but don’t expect everyone else to take your side when you’re at risk of being the next Patient Zero, asshole.

Unvaccinated high school student is suing the health department for banning him from school during a chicken pox outbreak
Jerome Kunkel, 18, is suing the Northern Kentucky Health Department and its employees because the department said students who haven’t been vaccinated need to stay out of school until three weeks after the onset of a chickenpox rash on the last sick student or teacher, the department said.

But Kunkel’s father said the family’s Christian faith keeps his son from getting vaccinated.  “I don’t believe in that vaccine at all and they are trying to push it on us,” Bill Kunkle said, according to NBC affiliate WLWT.

So while you’re busy not believing in vaccines (and hopefully scratching at some newly-acquired chicken pox sores), you might want to do some light reading.  Maybe you’ll learn something…?

• Anti-vaccine community behind North Carolina chickenpox outbreak
• Italian anti-vax politician hospitalised with chickenpox
• An anti-vax religious group apologized for its role in a major measles outbreak in Japan
• Anti-vaxxers face backlash as measles cases surge
• Measles Outbreak Spurs Vaccination Surge in Anti-Vaxxer Hotspot

 

UPDATE: He lost.  Haaaa!  Reason wins this round.

Kentucky judge sides with health department, rules unvaccinated teen can’t play school basketball
Boone County Circuit Judge James R. Schrand upheld the agency’s temporary ban on unvaccinated students attending school or participating in extracurricular activities, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer.

 

OK, that’s enough.  For now…

Cassette tapes are hissing their way back into our hearts

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

No.  Just…no.  The most shit-tastic music format ever is now a nostalgia thing?  I have fond memories of playing tapes for most of my childhood and teenage life, but what a pain in the ass they are!  People say the same about vinyl, but your record player doesn’t suck the record up into its hungry mouth and tangle the shit out of it.  You don’t have to respool records with a pencil because it gets pulled out of its shell and mangled.  Oh, and properly cared-for records actually sound good.  That hissy tape you’re playing degrades with every listen, and eventually the tape will break…and so will your heart.  Sad emoji.

It’s cool to spool again as the cassette returns on a wave of nostalgia

Pause. Stop. Rewind! The cassette, long consigned to the bargain bin of musical history, is staging a humble comeback. Sales have soared in the last year – up 125% in 2018 on the year before – amounting to more than 50,000 cassette albums bought in the UK, the highest volume in 15 years.

…“It’s the tangibility of having this collectible format and a way to play music that isn’t just a stream or download,” says techno DJ Phin, who has just released her first EP on cassette as label boss of Theory of Yesterday.  “I find them much more attractive than CDs. Tapes have a lifespan, and unlike digital music, there is decay and death. It’s like a living thing and that appeals to me.”

What’s next?  Wax cylinders?  I can hear it now: “I looove wax!!  It sounds so shitty, like music played in a freeway tunnel during a sandstorm or something.  It’s sooooo cool and unique and retro and nostalgic.  Oh, and cumbersome to play and handle and store.  I bought the new Katy Perry cylinder and it broke after only 2 plays!  It’s, like, the best thing evarrr.”

 

iTunes hates me and my taste in music

That’s the only real reason that iTunes would inexplicably obliterate all the carefully-curated playlists I’ve had over many years. It happens at least once a year, and I’ve come to conclude that it simply loathes what I force it to play and its only escape is the occasional database seppuku. This time it wasn’t just the playlists that vanished — now iTunes acts like it can’t see my library at all. So goodbye playlists and all my nitpicky settings. Goddammit, iTunes…I’d leave you for good if there were any decent alternatives (though MediaMonkey comes close).

After rebuilding my playlists for the 487th time, a couple of years ago I finally got smart about it. I came up with a foolproof way to get those playlists back, and they’ll be up-to-date to boot. I’m probably not the first to think of it, but maybe someone out there will find it useful.

Here’s what to do. Let’s say you want to create a playlist for your favorite David Byrne songs (and why wouldn’t you?). First, create a Smart Playlist and configure it to show only songs that have “David Byrne” in the comments. Make sure “Live updating” is checked.

Next, when you want to add a track to a playlist, open the Info screen and go into the Comments field. Put something like “Playlist: David Byrne” and save it. That comment is saved right into the file itself.

Now, when you click on your David Byrne playlist, the song you just added the comment to will magically appear. Do the same thing with any other David Byrne song you want, and it’ll automatically show up in the playlist.

Using the comments and Smart Playlists together means that even if iTunes decides you’re unworthy of having such fancy-pants playlists and decides to wipe them out with no warning, you’ll never have to manually pick out your favorite songs again because the info is contained in the song files themselves, and those Smart Playlists will do all the work for you. iTunes can murder its own database all it wants, but it’ll never again be able to permanently take your playlists down with it!

“But what if I want to add a song to multiple playlists? OMG WHAT MUST I DO THEN???” OK, calm down! Jesus. No need to freak out about it. Just add multiple “playlist” comments to the song for different playlists, geez. I like to add a few spaces between them to make it easier to read when viewing them in the Songs view (remember to make the Comments column visible):

And that’s it! I first got this idea when I used to click the checkbox next to songs I wanted to sync to my phone. After several times of going through all that trouble and then losing all my work to iTunes’ abusive whims, I started using the Composer field to put the word “Checked”, and a Smart Playlist would show me what should have been checked but wasn’t, so I could easily identify and fix songs in one big swoop. You can use this Comments thing for all kinds of useful stuff. You can even make a playlist that contains all your playlist-commented tracks. I’m not sure why you’d want to, but you do you.

So today I’m rebuilding my iTunes collection and playlists yet again, but it’ll take a teensy fraction of the time it used to take. Wow…I feel, like, smart and stuff. I’d feel smarter if I could just give up iTunes altogether, and believe me I’ve tried, but I always come back to it because 99% of the time it’s great. I just come up with ways to get around its occasional weird behavior.

Nostalgia is the new…nostalgia?

I know, that’s a stupid title. But whatever, it sounded clever for at least two seconds…

OK, it’s time for a Curmudgeon Moment™.

I can’t be the only one who feels that we’re experiencing 80s nostalgia overload. There’s a relentless firehose of 80s memorabilia blasting us in the face from every direction: movies, videogames, toys, T.V. shows, etc. It’s reached the point where it doesn’t feel like a celebration of pop culture from our (my) childhood anymore — the marketing twats have discovered that people will buy anything that reminds them of anything from the 80s, and they’re milking it for all they can. Nostalgia from that decade is its own industry now, and it’s not going anywhere soon. At least, not until 90s nostalgia (ugh) overtakes it.

I think I first noticed this stuff a few years ago when LEGOs became a thing again. For a while it felt like every other post on the tech/nerd blogs was absolutely gushing about something LEGO-related, which was super annoying. I just couldn’t get away from it.

“OMG check out this life-size X-Wing Fighter made with LEGOs!”

No.

“Here’s an awesome [insert 80s pop culture icon here] made ENTIRELY of LEGOs!”

So?

“Visit LEGO Land and relive your childhood dreams! SO COOL!”

Fuck off.

This is all coming from supposedly adult men, mind you. It got so bad that I had to actually stop reading some of my favorite blogs for a few months. LEGO news is kind of like Trump news: with some strategic filtering you can manage to get through at least a few hours a day without being reminded that it’s still a thing.

Around the same time that I noticed LEGO’s stranglehold on the tech/nerd blogs, the soul-crushingly mediocre Transformers movies began to steadily plop from Michael Bay’s movie-hole (actually that first one wasn’t so bad), with more blatant assaults on our childhoods to follow. I’m looking at you, Smurfs.

It’s not all crap, though. The show “Stranger Things” is a pretty good example. It’s custom-tailored to the 80s kid: the music, the cast, the sets, the story, and even the opening titles are all carefully crafted to extract as much memory juice as possible from those of us who watched a lot of Lucas and Spielberg movies as teenagers. People went apeshit over this show — it’s a love letter to a genre of films we grew up with, and for the most part it’s done right. But while watching it, I often felt very conscious of the lengths they went to in order to tug on those memory-strings. They seemed to be saying, “Hey look, remember this toy? And D&D? And Star Wars? And this song playing in the video arcade?? Remember????” Yeah, yeah, yeah…we remember. We were, like, there and stuff.

The success of “Stranger Things” and LEGO stuff has been a blinding bat-signal to advertisers that they need to double down and cash in on this shit right now. So now we have more (and lesser-quality) LEGO movies, an attempted TRON reboot, a Trolls movie, new Voltron cartoons, that vomit-inducing “Pixels” movie, a Castlevania show, a mini Super Nintendo console, a Dark Crystal show in the works, toys of every 80s pop culture movie/T.V. character you can imagine…on and on. And this recent movie “Ready Player One”, which brings nostalgia-pandering to a new level. It references 200+ pop culture characters/things from the past 30 years just so the audience will oohhh and ahhhh in recognition. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m sure it’ll happen eventually….and I’ll probably do some of my own oohhh-ing and ahhhh-ing despite myself. Damn you, Hollywood, and your pinpoint-accurate targeting of my feelgood memory spots!

Don’t get me wrong, I looooove trawling through my 80s memories (and what I remember of my 70s childhood) and I indulge in them quite a bit. One of my favorite things to do is take mushrooms and listen to music from my Jr. High and High School years. On vinyl. Records I played to death as a teenager that I’ve carried around for 30 years, which still sound great. God, it’s fun… I also have a deep obsession with retro gaming emulators and a weakness for chiptunes and blippy videogame music. There’s a lot more than that, but I like to indulge my nostalgia on my own terms; hearing an 80’s song in a movie or T.V. show used to be a fun throwback moment, but now it happens so often and so deliberately, it just feels lazy. “Oh look, they’re playing the song ‘I Ran’ while this guy is…running away. Wow, such a clever and totally not obvious thing to do…”

Eventually I began to wonder why we’re wallowing in nostalgia so much. We’re gladly eating up all the mass-marketed references, but why? And is it healthy? Every generation has its share of “I remember when…” but mine seems to be taking it to a weirder and more obsessive level. A personal example: I know a gay couple in their 40s who dressed up in Star Wars pajamas and built a scale-model Death Star from LEGOs on Christmas morning last year. They posted photos of it on Facebook, even. Is that taking things a bit too far? I don’t know. Maybe this is how some people reconnect to their younger selves. Or maybe this is how some people cope with living in the darker, scarier America that 2016 brought us. Or maybe we just have too much damn time on our hands. Hard to tell.