Oh boy, here we go. Just in time for Halloween, naturally!
BOSTON (AP) — A Salem, Massachusetts, woman who calls herself a witch priestess is taking a self-proclaimed warlock to court over accusations of harassment.
Harassment by a warlock? OMG how scary! Is he sending malicious forces to her house to mess with her pets? Did he hex her car so it wouldn’t ever start again? What??
The 75-year-old Sforza accuses Day, 45, of repeatedly calling her late at night from a private number and swearing at her, said Fiore Porreca, an attorney representing her. Sforza, who goes by the business name Lori Bruno, also alleges Day made malicious posts about her on social media.
Oh. That’s it? Online harassment and prank calls? Well that’s a bit…mundane. Anyone who calls himself a “warlock” and can’t even produce a decent hex against his foe probably needs to get his wand checked or something. It happens to a lot of guys his age.
So what’s their relationship? Did they once share great adventures on the spirit plane weaving complex spells to combat the dark Lovecraftian forces lurking just beyond the veil of our reality? Something tells me I’m going to be let down again…
Sforza and Day were once business associates in Salem, Porreca said. They also made headlines in 2011 when they cast spells together to try to heal actor Charlie Sheen, who had called himself a “Vatican assassin warlock” during an interview on national television.
Wow. Sounds like they both need some extra spelling lessons (sorry) because Charlie Sheen is clearly still batshit crazy.
This stuff always cracks me up. You always hear about these witches and warlocks with grand reputations, but you never actually see them do anything truly magical — because they can’t. They’re just regular people with regular problems like the rest of us. It’s cute that they play dress-up for a living, though. Whatever pays the bills, right?