Betrayed by President Cheeto

Extremities are to scale.

This probably makes me a bit of an asshole, but when I read about Trump supporters who are now feeling fucked over, I get the giggles.  This guy’s troubles really aren’t funny, of course, but I do feel more than a little bit of schadenfreude reading about the extraordinary lengths he went to in supporting the Orange One.

‘Trump Troubadour,’ who attended 45 Trump rallies to honor his late son, feels ‘betrayed’ because of health care

Beginning in January 2016, Kraig Moss traveled to 45 rallies, belting out songs in support of Donald Trump and telling the story of his late son, Rob, who died three years ago from a heroin overdose.

Wow.  A little extreme, but he really believed in Trump’s promise to “help young people”, whatever that means, and there’s nothing wrong with following your passion.

…He stopped making his mortgage payments and sold the equipment for his construction business to stay on the campaign trail, galvanized by Trump’s promise to help young people — like Moss’s late son — who struggle with drug addiction.

Holy shit.  This guy really had it bad for our future Puppet-in-Chief.  Most were content to just wear one of those stupid red hats and wave an American flag while shouting at brown people.

Trump made this promise to Moss personally at a rally in Iowa in January 2016. Speaking through a microphone to the crowd, he addressed Moss directly: “The biggest thing we can do in honor of your son … we have to be able to stop it.”

Wow, that’s awesome!  Trump really cares.  It’s not like he’s just saying this stuff to get votes.  I mean, that would make him a lying, pussy-grabbing sack of badly-coiffed shit, right?

But about two weeks ago, Moss caught his first glimpse of the Republican proposal to replace the Affordable Care Act. The proposed health care bill … would eliminate a requirement that Medicaid cover basic mental-health and addiction services in states that expanded it, a mandate that covered nearly 1.3 million people.  “This bill is just the absolute opposite,” Moss told The Washington Post. “I felt betrayed. I felt let down.”

Whoops.  Sold his business and lost his house, all in order to follow a third-rate Hitler cosplay enthusiast around the country singing songs about his greatness.  Now, like so many others, he’s finding out that he was being conned on an epic level.  Awww.

Moss said he initially supported many of Trump’s other promises as well, such as his pledge to build a border wall with Mexico. But lately he has been upset hearing the stories of families being separated by deportations.

Oh really?  What did you think would happen when you hand the highest office in the nation to a cheese-colored bag of jingoist raccoon farts?  Christ on a cracker!  Too bad about his son, but I have zero sympathy for people like this who blindly supported a widely-known con artist and big-business bullshitter.  The only good thing to come of his election so far is the vast amount of epithets invented to describe him as anything other than “President Trump.”

So to you disillusioned Trumpites, all I can say is:  boo-fuckin’-hoo.  Now you’re paying the price with the rest of us.  Enjoy!

Prepare thyself for the Holy Handjob™

Stories like this bring me such a torrent of schadenfreude I almost can’t stand it.  Oh, it’s definitely horrible (and unsurprising) that it was reported to the Archbishop and completely ignored…I mean, it’s what we’ve come to expect from the Church.  But the antics of this predatory, closeted scumbag are now out in the open, and watching the Church squirm and scramble to handle yet another P.R. mess is damn fine entertainment in my book.

Priest Who Wrote Vatican’s Anti-Gay Guidelines Accused of Sex With Male Seminarians

A French priest who has written disparagingly about gay people and acted as a counselor to student and novice priests struggling with their sexuality has been accused of having sex with male clients.  Monsignor Tony Anatrella – who earlier this year told new Bishops they are not obligated to report a suspected abuser to authorities – is still regularly consulted on matters of sexuality by the Vatican.

One of his accusers said that Anatrella engaged in various sex acts with him in the Monsignor’s Paris office, with the activity allegedly occurring up until a few years ago. Daniel Lamarca claims Anatrella said he could rid him of his “pseudo-homosexuality” by performing sex acts.

So he’s using the “like cures like” method to basically wank the gay out of someone.  Damn, those priests are really getting creative!

A child’s curiosity…punished

This really cracks me up.  I remember getting my fingers pinched by crawdads when we used to catch them — it kinda teaches an early lesson that Nature doesn’t screw around!

Something you don’t see every day: a megachurch with no riches

$600K Taken From Safe at Osteen’s Megachurch

Authorities are investigating after $600,000 in checks and cash was stolen from a safe at Pastor Joel Osteen’s Houston megachurch, which has one of the largest congregations in the country.

Police spokesman Kese Smith said Tuesday $200,000 in cash and $400,000 in checks were stolen from a safe sometime between 2:30 p.m. Sunday and 8:30 a.m. Monday.

Bahahahahaha!  Ohhhhh, OMG.  Wow.  Please pardon my big, hearty guffaw, which was followed by a loud snort.  Whew…  Oh man.  That’s some funny stuff right there.  Especially when you think about all the people that money wasn’t helping by sitting there in the safe.  And you just know this guy rolls around naked in it after Sunday services.  All in the name of God, naturally.  Now that cash won’t help anyone at all, even if it was ever meant to — except the guys who stole it, of course, but I’m sure they didn’t exactly need it…

Anyway, he’s a charismatic guy and his followers are stupid enough to keep giving it to him, so he’ll make that much money back in another couple of weeks, I reckon.  No harm done, right?  Prai$e Je$u$!

Sssssnake ssssssalvation

Hmmm, I guess it was “God’s will” that this utter fool gambled with the snakes and lost.  As if any supreme being would even care!

Snake Bite Kills Snake Salvation Pastor

There is a reality show on National Geographic called Snake Salvation, which follows Pentecostal preachers who believe God has instructed them to “take up serpents.” Yesterday, one of those preachers, Jamie Coots of Kentucky, was bitten by a snake and died.

Survival tip: don’t take religious fables literally

Ahhh, the power of faith.  If you’re going to do something this stupid, at least make sure you can swim first.  You know…just in case.

Nigerian Pastor Tries to Walk on Water Like Jesus, Then Drowns in Front of His Congregation

Walking on water is not easy.  Not too many people have the ability.  Let’s see, there’s Jesus, and well, that’s about it.  Unfortunately for one pastor on the West Coast of Africa, his attempt to become the second man to make this impossible feat a reality cost him his life.

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation that he was capable of reenacting the very miracles of Jesus Christ.  He decided to make it clear through way of demonstration on Gabon’s beach in the capital city of Libreville.

…According to an eyewitness, Kabele took his congregation out to the beach.  He told them that he would cross the Kombo estuary by foot, which is normally a 20 minute boat ride.

Sadly by the second step into the water Kabele found himself completely submerged.  He never returned.

Holy Land USA: just like the Holy Land, only crappier

Holy Land USA (Before & After): The Abandoned Christian Theme Park

Because nothing says fun, amusement and good times for all the family like bible studies, there was Holy Land USA, a Christian tourist attraction filled with religious exhibits in Waterbury, Connecticut between 1958 and 1984. At its height, Holy Land attracted up to 40,000 visitors a year to the park.

Fascinating photos!  The ruins of this incredibly tacky Christian theme park sort of resemble the religion itself, don’t you think?  Of course the religion is still going pretty strong, but huge cracks have formed and the number of people turning or backing away from it has risen sharply in the past decade or so.  If Christianity can’t adapt to modern culture and civilization, it’s going to end up like this theme park:  a crumbling and broken relic of humanity’s past.

OK, I don’t know what prompted that little speech but whatever.  Just look at the photos, will ya?